I was a broken woman

My first time hitting rock bottom was in March 2011, I had to learn that it is okay to be by myself and learn how to love myself.

During that time yes I had a lot on my plate but I fully was not pass my depression or the pain from my past relationships that hurt in ways I wasn't over. As a young woman I suffered from severe depression, suicidal thoughts, unworthiness and a lot of anger. Over the years I had to find ways to channel my anger and balance my emotions so that my depression was severe, so I can avoid medications (which is possible). My last suicidal thought was in 2012, but it was in a sense would anyone miss me because the way they were treating me didn't seem like they truly loved me. I overcame and pressed on, but my issues with love was far from over with.

My ex knew about my triggers, but once we got serious, the care that that person once had for me was now gone. I felt alone in a house I shared with someone who was suppose to love me and be my best friend. I felt alone laying beside that person. I felt alone in a room full of people that I knew, but no one knew the extent of my pain. I was always told not to tell what was going on in my home so I didn't. I tried over and over again to fix what I felt was wrong, but it's hard to be in love by yourself.

I had to turn off my emotions in order not to snap. But turning off my emotions was only a temporary fix. Once they are turned back on without fixing the problem every emotion comes rushing back like a wave of emotions and it's extremely overwhelming.

We can't avoid our emotions but face them no matter how painful they are. I had to face my flaws and figure out what did I want out of myself and the love I feel that I deserve and so many of us crave.

I thought I was done with the emotional damage of a stressful and unfulfilling relationship, but I had not learned my lesson. My second breakdown was going and I was so blinded by what that person could be I didn't see the life draining from me. My loved ones seen it, but I couldn't until my Father took a turn for the worse and that person showed their true colors. It took so much out of me being pulled in so many directions emotionally and mentally and something had to go. So I let go and closed the door on my emotions once more to fully focus on Father and myself.

I had to take time to get to know myself all over again for the second time, while dealing with my Father dying at an aggressive rate. In 2015 I broke down when my Father did pass feeling lost, abandon and not fully understanding why. I felt like I did everything right and didn't understand why I kept going through so much pain with people who say they love me. It took a lot of meditation, talks with my friends, time to myself and finally grief therapy.

Remember crying is not a weakness being sad is not a weakness..... Let it out and let it go

Regain your peace and reclaim your life

I found my true one love after all the pain don't lose hope get back up

Peace*Love*Positive Vibes